#the guilt won't leave
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why do I still miss my ex when he showed me time after time he doesn't give a fuck about me with his actions
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RealAgeAu - On the other side
:3 :3 :3
Guess who is back already?!
Not with the normal cast though :3
No I had an idea for the another person in this AU.
Anyone wondering how Dream is going? :D
So this one is a bit different then all the other installments and don't expect these often as the main focus is on the gang and their now babybones boss. But this one I thought would be fun.
Welcome. To Dream dealing with this (the sometiny changes to the multiverse. A God can't lose his status without it affecting those around him after all :3)
First: here Prev: here Next: here
We good? We good. We are unedited and unbeta'ed as always.
oh shit @spotaus I actually forgot you that time. sorry fam (they gave me the original prompt which is why they keep getting added every update. They are stuck with me now)
*----------*
The sun feels so warm on his bones. Dream lays by the roots of his mother. Enjoying the warm light of the never ending late spring sun which warms his bones. His mother's voice, always loving and so proud of him.
The only thing that would make this moment better would be his brother near him. But he went to wash up a while ago.
Which is okay It isn't. where is nightmare? He will just wait right here for when he comes back.
Nightmare always joins him again. except that one time. The time when it mattered.
Dream loves his brother so much, and Nightmare loves him! Not anymore, not after everything
Dream sighs in the warm light and looks to the side. The village lays in the distance. Beautiful and lively and so so welcome of him!
Rememver your duty my son. You are meant for great things. Never forget that.
Dream hums happily as he looks back up at the branches "I know mom! I will be like you and be a great warrior and bringer of hope!" he smiles up.
A laugh in the air that sounds like a bell A bringer of balance my dear son. Remeber. Too much of one will always spell the end for one.
Dream hums as he enjoys the soft sunlight and happiness he feels in his soul.
He just wishes his brother was here. he wants his brother back, that is all he wants.
oh. I think Nightmare is back from washing himself
Dream blinks his sockets open and looks over. Near the forest edge stands Nightmare. In his purple clothes and with a small silver crown on his skull. Dream smiles and waves from his spot "Nighty! Over here!"
But Nightmare doens't move. He just watches him.
Dream frowns as he sits up "Nighty?"
The sunlight is gone as an ominious rumble is heard overhead. The light feeling in him disappears as he looks back at Nightmare "Nighty! i know it is scary but you need to get over here!" Normal trees can't protect them from thunder and lightning! Their mother can.
Nightmare just continues to stare at him from a distance. Even now Dream thinks he looks tired.
Drema raises to his feet.
His mother's voice fills his skull Dream don't go. It isn't worth the risk.
Dream shakes his skull and leaves the save shadow and cover of his mother. Running towards his brother. He needs to get to him. He can't be too late again. Not when he has this chance to reach him in time.
Dream watches as Nightmare remains rooted in place. Lightning flashes overhead and loud thunder follows right away. Drema flinches but keeps running "Nighty!" his voice lost in the loud rumble and thunder.
Dream is right by him and reaches for him. But another flash of lightning and Dream is blinded. Once he opens his sockets he is no longer by the forest. No, he is in the village. People are screaming. He searches for Nightmare only to see his mother burning in the distance. Her branches ablaze in bright orange light.
Dream rushes towards her. Panic. Why can't he stop this? Why did it happen?
He reaches her but it is already too late. His mother is gone. HIs friends are gone. His brother...
His brother...
Staring at him with betrayal. Dream can feel the hurt and betrayal in the other and Dream realises his has his hand out.
He had hit him. He had attacked him.
Dream reaches for his brother but Nightmare flinches back, away from him.
Because he had hurt him.
Dream can't speak. He can't move.
Nightmare glares at him "Nothing to say for yourself?"
Dream tries but no words leave him. Please Nighty. He is sorry.
Nightmare just continues to glare at him "After everything?! You only came because of those stupid villagers?!"
Dream shakes and tries to shake his skull. tries to deny it. But he can't. His body isn't moving. Nightmare is right, dream had always only cared about the village and what they wanted.
Nightmare turns and walks away. Away from him. Away from their ruined home.
Dream wants to follow but can't move. He is locked in place. just like he had been when he had been turned to stone.
He tries to reach for Nightmare but he is already gone and everything goes dark. Just dark dark dark dark-
Dream gasps as he sits up and checks himself. He can move! He is fine! he... he...
He looks around and sees that he fell asleep on his couch again... in his own living room... again...
He sighs as he sits normally on the couch and puts his skull between his hands. That same dream again. it had been haunting him ever since he had first faced Nightmare. But the dream kept coming back more often lately, for almost two months now...
He is so tired. He can't deal with everyone needing his help today. He can't deal with everyone demanding his attention and support today...
Dream glances at his phone and grabs it. So many numbers in there and many many texts and missed calls already. He ignores them all and finds the right number. He calls it and waits.
"Hey Dream! How are you?"
Drema feels apart of him relax "Blue..."
"... What is wrong?"
Dream feels bad for asking this off him "... can... can i please come over?" he is suposed to be strong. a bringer of hope and light. Yet he keeps failing. He tries so hard but keeps messing up or not being enough.
"Of course. I will clear my own schedule. Can you get here okay?"
Dream smiles and nods "yeah... be there in a bit." Honestly thank everything for Blue.
--
Dream sits on the couch in a different living room. Still feelign exhausted but a bit better. He had told Blue all about the dream he had had... The way it had been bothering him more and more lately and just how exhausting he had been lately.
Blue sits by him as he eats his bowl of cereal, Dream's own bowl untouched. Blue hums as he takes a bite "Seems to me that you are getting burned out." and he eats another bite.
Dream frowns "no? That is for people who do stuff they don't like. I like helping people!" generally... sometimes...
He is the guardian of positivity! He is suposed to like helping others! That is hiw whole purpose!
He wishes he could ask his mother... He wishes he could ask Nightmare, Nightmare had always been better at listening and hearing what their mother said.
Blue hums as he eats more of his breakfast "Everyone can get burned out by everything. It is why Ink can get an artblock. It is why Sci can get overwhelmed and annoyed with his own work. Jsut because you like soemthing doesn't mean you can't get stressed or overwhelmed by it."
Dream blinks confused at Blue and Blue smiles "My bro has it more often than me. Said it like that too much of one thing is always bad, no matter what it is."
Dream... Dream suddenly has a strong sense of dejavu.
Blue nods "Even stuff you like! Say... I love taco's. It is my favourite! But... if i had to cook it everyday and only eat taco's? I would get sick of it. It doesn't mean i don't like them any less. Just, even too much of a good thing is bad. you know?"
Dream gives a slow nod as he stares at Blue "what... what should i do?"
Blue shrugs as he finishes his meal "Take a break? Don't do the guardian stuff for a bit?"
Dream frowns "I can't take a day off!"
Blue tilts hsi skull "Why not? Having a good work ethic is important, I myself have one too, but i know i need breaks. Obviously not as much as some people!" Blue looks over his shoulder with a glare.
Stretch chuckles in the distance "guilty as charged!"
Blue huffs but turns back "But breaks are important. It is why there are rules nad laws about days off and having breaks every so many hours. It sounds to me that you have not been using your vacation days and you should at this point." he puts his empty bowl away and quickly washes it before joining his said again.
Dream already feels anxious. PEople like and listen to him because he helps them. If he stops doing that they may dislike him or not listen and then what does he do?!
Blue sits next to him and keeps waiting for a reply.
Dream rubs his arm "what.. what about... work? What about spreading positivity?"
Blue thinks it over "I mean... It should be fine right? The gang and your brother have been very quiet for the last... what... month? two months?"
Dream nods as he looks at his hands. the anxiety returns "He must be planning somethign big..." something gigantic. And dream has no idea and doesn't even know where to start with getting information or anything-
Blue snaps his fingers and Drema blinks out of his own thoguhts before shooting Blue a confused look.Blue grins at him "I honestly didn't expect that to work. Stop worrying about stuff that hasn't happened yet. Think about the here and now. Your friends are doing okay. The omega timeline doesn't need your help with anything they cna't do themselves. The gang hasn't done anything yet and Errir and Ink still have their third cease fire."
Blue pokes Dream "What will help you right now."
Dream stares at Blue for a moment before looking away. He thinks before he speaks "I think... I think I would like to go... home..." Blue frowns so Dream tries to explain "YOu know... home home... I haven't been there in ages... my... my magic has been... shifting... it is strange... I don't bring as much positivity to others as i used to anymore. Me just being there doesn't make others happy anymore. I... I was hoping... maybe i can find answers there?"
Blue blinks before smiling "That sounds like a wonderful idea! If you give me ten minutes I can get ready to join you."
Dream blinsk confused "You will join me?"
Blue grins and nods "Of course! what are friends for?"
Dream feels lighter and smiles "Thank you blue."
--
not even fifteen minutes later and they had arrived in Dreamtale. Dream... Dream isn't sure what he had been expecting. but it was the same as he remembered. no colours. everythign is grey and frozen. lacking anytype of magic.
It hurt.
They had arrived at the village and blue looks around "oh.. i... i am sorry..." he holds his hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
They walk around the village together and that same bittersweet feeling returns to Dream. He remembers playing games here. the little marktes he would visit. How everyone would always be happy to see him.
It had been a beautiful place.
And now it is gone and-
Dream freezes. Blue doens't notice as he keeps walking but dream can't look away. because there in the distance... in another building... that... that looks like...
"Nighty?"
The mirage, or vision, or hallucination looks up in shock. before pure fear overtakes the expression.
He looks so young... had they been that young?
Dream feels himself take a step closer. his soul is pulsing madly and his sockets starts to itch with tears. is he going insane?
The tiny form disappears from view as it disappears behind a wall and out of the view of the window.
Dream doesn't think and starts sprinting.
"Dream?! What is wrong?!"
Dream doesn't stop to explain. He runs through the empty streets. please. please. just a moment longer. just bring that vision back. He just wants to see his brother one more time.
Please.
A crack much like a thunder fills the air and Dream rushes into the house he had originally seen the vision in.
Nothing.
Dream sobs as he falls to his knees.
He was too late again.
Blue joins his side a moment later but Dream can't even begin to explain.
Why did it feel like he lost his brother all over again?
Why did his soul hurt this badly?
Blue holds him and continues to hold him until Drema calms down again.
Dream sobs "Maybe... maybe this was a mistake..." he can't admit he jsut saw a vision of his own brother but as a child... He can't admit he is actually going insane.
Blue just continues his hug "Or maybe this is exactly what you needed. You have been holding in this grieve for a long time Dream. Maybe it needs to be released?"
Maybe he has a point. Dream leans heavily into the hug.
Blue holds them both up easily "Any place you want to visit?"
Dream holds it tightly before looking around "Maybe... maybe my friend is still here? It has only been about two years since a left." she had given him tea and let him sleep on her couch... Later she had broken him out of his stone prison and helped him as he grew up to be who he is today.
He wants to be sure she is okay.
Blue nods as he looks around the village "where to?"
Dream points in a direction "Her house should be over there..." They walk together in silence and Dream finally spots the old house. But it looks old and broken. As if no one had lived there for centuries.
Dream feels himself shake "That can't be right." he rushes inside and freezes as he finds a pile of dust.
oh... how?
Dream sits next to the pile and sobs. Blue joins his side and hugs him.
Time passes and Dream ends up carefully collecting the dust and putting it in a jar. He will have to figure out what her favourite things were and-
"euh... Dream? What is this?"
Dream blinks and looks over to see Blue holding an old beautiful book. Dream frowns as he walks over and reads the title.
'Dreamtale'
Dream feels himself freeze "I... I don't know... where did you find it?"
Blue points towards the room. Dream frowns "I... i was told to never enter that as that had been her personal room. I didn't want to breka the trust..."
Blue hums before just opening the book. Dream hisses "Blue!"
Blue doesn't even look apologetic "Dream. If i have learned one thing about the multiverse, is having an universe named after one person spells trouble for everyone else in that universe. Why would she hide this from you?"
Dream can't help but agree and the two sit together at the table and start reading the story.
--
Dream wants to throw up. He is going to throw up. He just sits with his skull in his hands.
How... how often had nightmare asked him not to leave... to leave him alone? How often had Nightmare told him that the villagers didn't like him.
Dream... Dream never listened.
Dream sobs as he lays fully on the table.
The person he thought had been his friend... the person who gave him tea and a place to sit and rest. drugged him... all to make sure he couldn't interfere when they went to... when they had planned to murder... to murder...
dying...
all those years again.. Nightmare had accused him of not even caring that he had been dying. dream had thought it had been the corruption somehow talking to him, mocking him. Trying to make him feel horrible...
It had been Nightmare himself... accusing him of leaving him to be hurt and die alone.
And he had been right.
Dream sobs as tears leave his sockets. His sight finds the jar with dust of that... that... woman! That! Rage burns through him but two arms keep him in place.
"It is okay Dream. Let it all out."
Dream shakes his skull as he pushes closer to Blue "It isn't okay!! I am a fucking idiot! I was too fucking blind and now! Now I-" more sobs.
Blue jsut holds him tighter "You were a kid dream"
Dream sobs as he tightens his hold on blue "So was nighty..."
His dreams... his dreams and even that hallucination must have been trying to tell him all along there was more than he saw. That something had been going on. But dream was too busy. Always too busy. Before he had been too busy wiht the village and villagers... and now he was too busy with the multiverse.
eventually the tears dry as Blue just keeps holding him.
Dream sniffs "How do i fix this?"
Blue pauses his movement and clearly thinks for a while. Dream feels worse the longer Blue doesn't answer.
Blue sighs as he leans his own skull against Dream "I don't know. I would say you could try to talk with Nightmare but... well..."
Dream tightens his hold on Blue. every time him and Nightmare met they never spoke. Dream had for a while tried to tell Ngihtmare he could do better nad make up for the wrongs he did...
No wonder Nightmare doesn't want to speak to him anymore. Dream pretty much said that Nightmare should feel bad for fighting for his own survival... that he should feel bad for killing those who tried to kill him.
Dream feels sick all over again as he pushes closer to Blue. Being near blue helps.
Blue keeps a tighter hold on him "For now... you can take the book with you at least... keep your story with you you know? And maybe try and approach the subject if you see him again?"
Dream nods before anxiety reaches him "How will i tell everyone this?"
Blue pulls back and stares him in the socket "Stop. YOu dont have to tell them."
Dream looks away "They deserve an explanation and-"
Blue shakes his skull and looks at Dream "They don't. Just because they think they do deosn't mean they actually do. You don't have to hurt yourself to please them. You don't have to share this just opened hurt with those who won't support you dream."
Dream still feels sick "won't that be selfish?"
Blue shakes his skull "people demanding you share your trauma with them are entitled. You don't have to tell anything if you aren't comfortable."
Dream sniffs before nodding.
Blue nods and slowly helps him too his feet "Now. We came here with a mission and that was to find out what was up with your magic... the book didn't hold the answer so i am going to assume it may have to do with adult you. is there any other place you could learn more of yourself?"
Dream frowns. his head still a bit foggy "maybe... mom would know... but she never told us much... and she is gone... and i haven't been there since... well. i turned to stone." even after he got broken out he hadn't been brave enough to return.
Blue nods "How about.... we walk around first... see if we find anymore... clues" he eyes the book before looking back at him "And once you are ready go see your mom?"
Dream thinks for a moment before nodding.
Dream and Blue end up going to the hill after a quick walk around the village. All the good memories that Dream had had had already turned bittersweet after them dying. Now? They just burned him. Made Dream angry in a way he couldn't put into words. He had helped those unthankful assholes! He helped them day after day after day! Adn they hurt... they hurt... They killer his mother! They tried to kill Nightmare!
They walk up the hill silently and dream is dragging is feet.
Dream didn't think he could feel worse but he was wrong.
Because right by the dead stump of his mother.
Are two old graves.
One saying Nim. One saying Dream.
The worst part is that they looked well maintained and there are fresh flowers on them.
After that Blue calls it a day and helps him home. Saying that they will ask other people in the multiuniverse about gods changing powers later. and with a crack like thunder they teleport away and out of that universe again.
*-----------------*
... *coughs* did someone say brother complex? Also this ended up a lot longer than planned? Woops? Look it was just suposed to be about Dream seeing tiny NIghtmare in their old AU but then a lot happened and I figured Dream also had a lot of trauma and well... tada?
Look. I never said Dream was dealing well with the changes... If i am being honest Nightmare took his own slight body horror better than Dream took the slight changes around him and the vision of his younger brother :3
First: here Prev: here Next: here
anyway. Love you all. You are fun and nice to hang out with! See you next drabble. also i can't believe this account that i just had to give little extra information abut my main AU just... has a second AU living here now.... guess that happened...
#RealAgeAU#Nightmare Sans#Dream Sans#Swaptale Sans#Blue sans#deaged Nightmare#Gang as family#team as family#writing#drabble#*checks tags and nods* that should be it#utmv#wait forgot that one#anyway#that was a lot longer than planned and more of a gutpunch than i originally planned#but hey sometimes you just get writing and you gotta let it flow you know?#... anyway. Yes Nightmare had really been there#He saw Dream#panicked#Ran towards whoever of the gang was there with him#and the teleported out seconds before Dream opened the door to the house#So good news Dream isn't going insane!#also good news dream doesn't think Nightmare is a child again so good news for nightmare he wasn't discovered dicovered#dream just thinks he is hallucinating because of guilt and grief :D#I would tell him to talk with Dust about it because he has experience#but yeah... that probably won't go over well either#anyway by until i get in the mood to write another drabble or until i get a new idea that won't leave me be
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"The dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn’t. My guilt will not purify me"
that qoute lives in my head rent free.
(who said it, btw? I tried to find a source before the tumblr user @/ojibwa posted it and nothing came up)
#I struggle with certian addictions and end up relapsing and feeling immense guilt afterwards#and that guilt does nothing but add to my misery. It's just self flagellation at this point after my self will faltered#Then I remember this qoute and it helps. It grounds me a bit that there is no use weeping over this and torturing myself internally#What I can do is do better next time. Take better preventions. Have alternative ways ready.#There is no use mangling myself in guilt and shame over its corpse#the fire won't purify me. Burning myself will just leave me more wounded and susceptible to relapsing again#One of the reasons I'm very careful and cautious when it comes to taking pain killers for my migraines. I fear becoming addicted#So I just rawdog the head splitting headaches on most days#I hate taking antibiotics ugh I'm my worst self when I'm on them but I'm sick again and fuck just fuck all of this#I feel incredibly weak on them so I gravitate towards these old habits tnat I give ma rush or a feeling of being in control again#what is done is done. I'm just grateful I didn't cross the line. This is very fixable. No mistake is forever#If it is OP who came up with the post then I'm incredibly thankful for the qoute#☆other
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hey, image of my beasts coming up sometime tonight in like a few hours, if not check back tomorrow in my art blog, it should be there by then
#it's so fucking over for you all#i will show you my beasts and your world will come crumbling down upon you#you will love them#and if you dont. well#let's just say there won't be a happy ray over here. i will be sad and i will cry#and you will feel so bad#why am i trying to guilt y'all into it actually the bit isn't that funny#sorry im just feeling like#being annoying about things#(it's a sign im actually doing well :3)#and that i'm thriving creatively and wh#an uh#getting better at like#wht's it called#social#socializing#something like that#anyways love y'all#hope you like my art when it does come out dw about not seeing it or anything tho fr#just hope that whoever does see it ends up liking it :3#yeah so uh#idk#imma go i guess#*turns around to leave and trips on a branch straight into a hole nearby*#AAAAAAAaaa..........
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No one is responsible for this election besides white people and implying otherwise is reductive, racist and frankly going to do nothing except for weaken community and coalition building we have desperately needed for decades if not centuries. Cause the reality is white supremacy created Trump. White people voted en masse for him. It wasn't latines, or Black men, or Arabs, or the Free Palestine movement. It will always rest squarely on the shoulders of whiteness as a individual identity and as a superstructure.
Stop fighting each other. Start fighting FOR each other. It will never ever be the fault of racialized people and anti-racists. Ever.
#donald trump#election 2024#I'm not doing great in my personal life rn but i just absolutely needed to get this off my chest#ik some of y'all're blaming arab folk and their allies for this are fucking white whos mommas and poppas probably voted for Trump and y'all#keep your mouths shut at that Thanksgiving dinner table. i know it.#get your shit together. idgaf if you feel white guilt idgaf what excuse you can think of#to make this not the sole fault of whiteness#you are not cooking. you are not smart. you are pushing people away who need you and whos communities will NEVER. be responsible for this.#and i for one won't be spending time searching for what type of marginalized communities i can blame for this#look in the mirror. then go out and build safety with Black & Brown folk. with the queer community and not just the white ones. with arabs#& latines and men and women and everyone else you can. protect and organize. plan carefully. stay safe and don't leave the sides of the folk#who need you most right now#because you feel you've cracked the code on what non white person is responsible for the actions of white people.#thats all i gotta say on the matter good night
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Like I've seen mx BW talkinig about this, about how no one should leave. Lmao.
We don't owe the US nothing and we damn sure are worth self preservation. I agree that emigrants need to be consderate of place and privilege when choosing a location but y'all are absolutely bullshittng if you think it's some kind of moral stance to stay in the US and wait to be killed by cops so y'all can sit up and make sad tiktoks about us talm bout 'say her name! she should still be alive!'
I'm sideeying. Hard.
Edit: THIS IS A NEGRO POST I'm not talking about y'all light ppl
#my people literally never asked to come here#if YOU want to leave but boxed yourself in mentally to convince yourself to stay and now you're upset and scared SAY THAT#but that won't be helped at all by guilting others into your inaction
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A conversation between Makoto and a peculiar old man
#“Leave the unpleasant memories for the past. Dragging them around like a ball-and-chain was just dumb”#Something something about Makoto refusing to move past his friends' deaths and he's chosing to carry them for the rest of his life.#“Start worrying about others at your age and you won't make it to see mine”#Something something about Makoto's immense guilt about his friends' deaths haunting him; draining him; sucking the life out of him;#“His optimism which allowed him to readily switch gears emotionally was one of Makoto Naegi's positive traits.”#In the end our dear Makoto manages to stay optimistic and hopeful despite everything that happened.#The past is certainely alive in his head; never forgotten. But he also decides to focus on what more he can do for the present and future#for the dead's sake; for his friends' sake'; for everyone's sake; and lastly for his sake.#danganronpa#makoto naegi#chirpos chirps#Excerpts from the short story 'Makoto Naegi's Worst Day Ever'
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sleeping helped but not much...
#[three of swords]#we are so avoidant its kind of like. untenable. retreating always. everything is so overwhelming. there's so much to do.#we keep stepping back but everywhere is crumbling. where is it safe anymore?? youre leaving destruction in your wake.#every step means you discover more and more that needs to be maintained... your old life and your new life. balancing one is hard enough#and now you want to keep both? you can't have your cake and eat it too. you're biting off more than you can chew. it tastes like guilt.#if you want to go back you have to fix it but thats why youre overwhelmed in the first place isn't it?#you just can't keep up anymore. you're stretching yourself thin. it's one or the other or your health. are you willing to sacrifice one?#doesn't matter i suppose. we. have to keep going.#we won't leave. we promised we'd stay. there's people we love in both lives. so we'll try to keep all the plates in the air.#...off to the store now.
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tags
read the hastags
#I don't know what I was thinking#Leaving my child behind#Now I suffer the curse and now I am blind#With all this anger#guilt and sadness#Coming to haunt me forever#I can't wait for the cliff at the end of the river#Is this revenge I am seeking?#Or seeking someone to avenge me?#Stuck in my own paradox#I wanna set myself free#Maybe I should chase and find#Before they'll try to stop it#It won't be long before I'll become a puppet#It's been so long#Since I last have seen my son lost to this monster#to the man behind the slaughter#Since you've been gone#I've been singing this stupid song so I could ponder#The sanity of your mother
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@beatingheart-bride
It never ceased to make Randall's heartache, hearing about how distant Emily's family life was growing up, so much so that she barely spoke to her parents, knowing too well that everything she said would simply go in one ear and out the other. It was just so different from his own childhood experiences, how he knew he could always turn to his mother for...anything, really. He knew he could talk to her, ask for her advice, or just simply confide in her, and he knew she would listen. It gutted him to think Emily didn't have the same experience.
"Well, you're a part of this family now," he replied, trying not to dwell on the past (or be resentful of his in-laws), smiling tenderly as he added, "And I couldn't be happier about that: You're a Pace, as far as me and my folks are concerned, and that means the world to us, having you in our afterlives, Emily."
After all this time, in Randall's eyes, Emily had the family she deserved: Although his parents had long made it clear that they never wanted to replace her own parents in her heart, they had nevertheless stepped up to the plate, giving her the familial support she'd long craved. They listened to her, they were supportive of her, they respected her...they treated her like family, because that was what she was. A Pace was a Pace, no matter how they came to be a part of their little clan.
"And I'm sure my uncles and my grandparents will feel just the same way," he smiled, as he pressed a loving kiss to her golden locks: Although she didn't have the worries he and his father did about being accepted, he had no doubt that, by the end of this visit, the Burkes and the Paces would embrace her too.
#((it'll especially be a relief to emily; knowing she won't have to hear from randall what sorts of shenanigans she got up to))#((since she's now more in-control of herself and not running on complete and total instinct anymore!))#((it saves her from both worry *and* embarrassment!))#((and OH MAN; you're RIGHT! that WOULD be such a shock to the system!))#((i think the explanation nicholas gave was that randall strangled emily; and that nicholas decapitated randall))#((in an effort to stop him and save his bride; but he was tragically too late; and *why* would nicholas lie to them?))#((so the family all this time would've thought randall was emily's murderer...))#((...and then they roll up to the mansion and find out she's married to her supposed killer))#((and is raising a family with him! they'd be horrified and confused))#((and it makes me wonder how they'd react to knowing the ugly truth about what really happened that day!))#((they may not still accept or approve of emily's love for randall; nor his love for her))#((but i wonder if it would leave them with a sense of guilt; having so blindly trusted nicholas!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Two Worlds; One Family
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DANCE: What fortune is it that the two of them ( with the added bonus of all the new friends they accumulated in their journeys ) would be back at home, just in time for the Destiny Island's music festival. Too bad this big palm tree is being too much of a stubborn ass to join the fun, wall-flowering it up off to the sides.
Maybe Sora can convince him to let loose with the others a little.
By now they were hailed as heroes (even against the better judgment of one), part of Destiny Island's pride of joy, a representation of what it meant to carry their hearts out to the worlds.
Woven into the culture of the music festival had been a few shoutouts towards them. Good drink raised, and the rhythmic push of multiple instruments drumming up a symphony of their very own. Seeing so many familiar faces had made it inevitable that Sora would bask in this dance of life. Tidus and Selphie could be seen making a mountain of catch up with Kairi, as Wakka himself had joined as one of the showmen for instrument playing. After scouring the stars for brands of excitement, brands of self discovery, part of it felt ethereal to be active in this again.
Those days where he'd love to do the same exact thing. That said, growth of multiple veins had left to a different ground for his primary running man. Best believe that Sora had taken the initiative to sweep his gaze about for Riku. To no one surprise (and a sullen tug at his own heart), seeing the big lug situated in location akin to the shadows of their figures made his lips quirk in distaste. In a way.. Part of him gets it.
A lot in their lives has changed. For Riku, somehow the boisterous nature of those earlier days had grown lax, allowing for a more evolved state of his reserved nature. The question remains however if either guilt or shyness played part in eliciting this to be his primary plan.
"Yo Tidus? Hold on a sec, and make sure the guys don't dive into the punch bowl either! I want me some seconds!"
"Yeah yeah. Better not make a disappearing act for too long, or else!" That comment nudged a snort out of Sora before he wove through the small ocean of people, passing through stands and patrons alike as that sway of silver hair managed to be a beacon in where to approach.
Riku wouldn't even have a moment to prepare before the hero abruptly shows himself, virtually shooting out the crowd with a big, cheery grin.
"Sora--! Wha?"
"Ohhh no you don't. C'mere!"
"Spot warming isn't gonna make ya any good memories, y'know." His words were driven with a sense of mirth that held a serious undertone. Both of them realized it somewhere deep down as it leads to Sora joining him, arms tucked behind his head while an exasperated sigh spilled from his lips. Not even the novelty of fresh aromas of great meals, to even a few shoutouts towards him had switched his tune.
"Even if I find it fine enough here? Who else is going to take point in keeping an eye on you guys?" ! That bit immediately earned him a nudge from the shorter keybearer, in tune with that, an equally 'pointed' stare towards him.
"Who said we needed a leader in that to begin with? Don't go makin' that up for yourself, especially when we all looked after each other back then.. Erm, my crybaby days aside from when I was younger."
To hear that actually drew a ghost of a snicker from Riku frustrated as much as it relieved him. "And you say that like it hasn't changed. Aren't you the prime example of wearing your heart on their sleeve."
"And I remember you saying how you wanted to take after that at one point."
This manages to get a stunned breath to usher from the silver haired master. It was the truth, yet, there was a difficulty in actually allowing those more silent wishes to be actually heard. How could he when at one point, there was a willingness to throw this treasured sight to oblivion itself? Being swept within those thoughts led to contemplative silence, which led to Sora in actively pushing him towards the crowd.
"Riku.. Days like this, getting lost in the past or some idea in the future is going to make you miss it all. Believe it or not, there's still a great deal of people who care about you here."
"Who wants you to be a part of a few more memories."
Sora understands how this was a matter that wouldn't be immediately alleviated. All the same, there was a stir of desire to actually push towards creating these possibilities for him, to leave a little courage to try letting his voice experience laughter, his eyes to drink in these sights with renewed value..
To live a little more outside of his Guardianhood.
"This is the now we've fought and bled for. Isn't it important to take it for what it is too?"
@litoredeem
#litoredeem#| Bottle Mail#| Meme#this really makes me think of how he still has that battle y'know?#Survivor's guilt#Being the cause and all. Yet it's a balance with the staggering amounts of good he provided too#Leaving him to be stuck experiencing these joys while using his body as a shell to just peek through#That won't do!
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thinking about the parallels between RC and sejm and how claire is always the one who leaves, never by her choice
#it's the way claire bonded with sherry & leon but then left and missed out on so much of their lives#and how she cares deeply for moira and feels compelled to save natalia as well but ends up leaving them both on the island#not bc she wanted to in both instances she just wasn't really given any other choice and both times it led her to safety#both leon & moira telling her to go on even tho they were in tough spots and dangerous situations#the way she looks down the tower and into the sea begging god to help bc this will just be another disappointment#except this time there won't be any person left to secretly resent her bc claire's negativity probably had her thinking moira was dead#THE RELIEF when both moira & natalia are alive and relatively well the way claire apologises for being a let down#we don't talk enough about claire's trauma that woman is filled with guilt since she was 19
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FRUITY HC PROMPTS / @hypnoticallycaucasian / ACCEPTING .
🍎 : how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy?
||. WELL , Link sure does have retrograde amnesia. . . . I'm not kidding about that diagnosis , and he definitely should go to therapy,but to actually answer the question : Link ...exists on a perpetual on a scale, and it always depends on "what time period of Link are you asking about", because the answer will change depending on what he does and doesn't remember.
Link before the Calamity (specifically: before the sword) would have been relatively stable. Outside of being a teenage boy with an extreme sense of duty and pressure to perform, he wouldn't have to contend with much. Healthy home, healthy mindsets, healthy life. It's when he pulled the sword and began to shut his emotions down to be a "reliable hero" that some problems would have begun to manifest. In my headcanon : dissociative episodes (+dissociative amneisa &. subsequent fugue) run congruently with his rising stress levels , and are a related but separate issue to his originally-self-imposed selective mutism.
Link is a slow emotional processor. He thinks through his emotions and takes time to sort them out. (Mostly because he really doesn't get bothered by a whole lot.) But when he's "on duty" or otherwise needed... he doesn't feel himself allowed to take the time to sort it out. Not during, and often not afterwards until well later, either. And then only when he's on his own. In Link's world, it's act first, think (and feel) later. ESPECIALLY when all eyes are on him.
At some point in his development into "Knight Link" (which imo was cemented well before he was actually appointed as Zelda's personal knight), Link's solution to a wealth of emotion without any time to process it all was to focus solely on the physical task at hand, whatever that may be. It ... doesn't shut down the emotion spurring the stress... but he can act. He can do something to stave it all off or fix it while it's happening. Face it head on, and quickly. Unfortunately ... even this isn't always possible in his profession. And this mind vs. heart endeavor is a taxing one. As such, if Link is unable to tackle the issue and fix it, he will rapidly begin to deteriorate into a dissociative episode. Specifically dealing with depersonalization. If the stress continues, Link has a tendency to completely emotionally/mentally black out during these periods. (aka: dissociative amnesia). He'll either seem to be completely spacing out, or completely zeroed in on a task from the outside looking in. (It's caused problems and some serious one-sided arguments with his mother before.)
In some conjunction with this, canonically, Link has been known to voice his inner thoughts and feelings less and less over time. By the time he was appointed to Zelda, it's noted that he barely spoke at all. While he is entirely capable of speech, when he undergoes high stress levels, it can become difficult for him to find the words to voice himself freely. (Now, it is worth nothing that Link is naturally a pretty quiet individual (imo even his voice is on the naturally softer side anyways). Link not talking does not automatically mean he's stressed out. But sometimes there is an inherent inability to speak even if he wanted to.)
All of this is true of Amnesia/Post!Calamity Link, although the triggers are different. Post!Calamity Link struggles a lot more often with depersonalization, derealization and dissociative amnesia + fugue, especially the more he comes to remember his/Hyrule's past. Part of that is due to stress, part of is trauma, and part of it is from just barely cheating death/the reincarnation cycle through the Shrine of Resurrection.
#(honorable mention as usual is his survivor's guilt even tho that in itself isn't a disorder)#(the good news abt the survivor's guilt is link is genuinely grateful to be still kicking and he definitely won't waste his 2nd try)#(but there's always going to be a part of him that's keenly aware that he was /DYING/ and should be all means be dead)#(and that in his place not only are the champions dead where he's still alive)#(but so. many. others. lost their lives. and that's unforgivable to him — granted i think he blames ganon completely. as he should)#(he doesn't blame zelda or her powers and he will strangle anyone who ever dares insinuate it's her fault - and w zelda he will bop her.)#(and i wouldn't say he blames himself but i do think he holds himself responsible at least for not being able to hold out long enough-)#(-after zelda's powers awakened in her. like. if he had just stuck it out even a couple hours.... a couple days to hold the line...)#(for link it's a “what were you doing wrong” @self regarding wielding the master sword's true power)#(combined with “why couldn't you have been stronger” + “why AREN'T you stronger” + “will you ever be strong enough”)#(....which sadly isn't entirely hc that's in the game and only helped by the DLC's trial of the sword QvQ)#(and anyways link DOES count himself incredibly lucky and he is eternally grateful to zel + co for saving him)#(....at the same time he'll eventually come to think of all the people left behind that never got a chance to say goodbye)#(he doesn't get to say goodbye either but the difference is //HE SHOULD BE DEAD// so yknow it's fun it's fine)#(he won't let it be in vain but =4= he haunts himself and that never entirely goes away imo. it gets better! but never fully leaves him)#「 headcanons . 」─ hero of the wild .#「 answered . 」─ letters .#「 ooc . 」─ 999 koroks my ass .#(forgive my rambling about this probably saying the same thing a hundred times over but dbnsajkdbsak)
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— "HE'S THE OTHER MAN!" . the corpse groom
SYNOPSIS: A ghost groom has claimed MC as his unwilling bride. Unfortunately for him, she's already got a lover
⊹ [ c.w ] — violence, possessive behavior, malleus blows a fucking green laser down ramshackle, mentions of blood, yuu is poor but we alrdy knew that, papa crewel crumbs
⊹ [ w.c ] — 1.6k opening post with malleus! if this gets enough attention, I might do more :P
"You what?" Crewel seethed, eyes wide as an unsettling smile stretched across the red of his cheeks.
"Repeat that."
"I…I accidentally released that ghost from the spellbook," Grim sobbed, his glossy eyes reflecting both fear and guilt as he looked up at the imposing figure of the professor. "And he's taken my henchhuman as his bride!"
Oh, Great Sevens. Not again.
Crewel groaned, his hands reaching up to frantically rub at his burning eyes. The flickering candlelight cast erratic shadows across his face.
"Please, do tell. How in Wonderland did someone with your lackluster skills manage to—" The professor was abruptly cut off by a loud, almost obnoxious cry that echoed from the doorway. Turning sharply, Crewel saw Crowley hunched against the entrance frame, hysterically sobbing into his palms. Fat tears dripped beneath his ornate mask, glistening in the low light. "They grow up so fast! My dear child is already getting married!"
Crewel's eye twitched as he took in the scene: Grim shaking like a leaf, and Crowley, dramatically weeping, pathetically looking to him for a solution.
"Fools," Crewel snarled, striding out of the room as he fished his phone from his coat pocket. "If you two won't be of use, then I'll have to enlist the help of those mutts instead."
The day had started like any other in Ramshackle, but you certainly didn't expect it to end with a wedding. Surrounded by the ghostly residents of the dorm, you stood dressed in all white, a bouquet clutched in your hand. Curling in yourself, you sighed and rested your head in your hands, avoiding everyone's gazes which felt like icy needles on your skin.
Ramshackle's old lounge, with its worn-out floorboards and faded wallpaper, was the chosen venue for your ceremony. Whispers rustled through the gathering, carried on a faint breeze that stirred the dust motes in the dim light. Somewhere in the background, the somber notes of an organ piano echoed. You didn't even know you had a piano…
"Dear?"
Jumping with a shriek, you whipped your head around. A ghostly visage, bathed in a deathly pale blue glow, hovered inches from your face, an unnaturally wide grin stretched across their blue lips. Bony fingers gently traced up your cheeks, sending tingles down your spine.
With sunken eyes and high, sharp cheekbones, Elizan—a "visiting" friend of one of Ramshackle's ghosts—was truly a sight to behold. His complexion had a pallor that matched the moonlight filtering through the decrepit windows of the form. Wisps of long, flowing indigo hair framed his face, swept back as if caught in a breeze that only he could feel.
"You look wonderful," he cooed, pressing a featherlight kiss to your forehead, leaving your cheeks burning.
"Ah. Thank you," you stammered, averting your gaze and gently pulling away. You could hardly focus on the words being spoken to you, your mind spinning with the surrealness of it all.
"You look... Good as well," you forced out with a cough, tugging at your hair nervously. "But... Listen... I—"
Before you could finish, the door to the entrance slammed open, nearly breaking off the hinges with a sound that could wake the dead, sending cracks spider-webbing through the already dilapidated walls.
On the inside, you screamed louder than the hinges.
You had painstakingly patched up the door after Grim's recent screw-up—a feat that had tested your patience and carpentry skills to their limit. Unless you wanted to survive on a diet of stale canned food and cafeteria leftovers for another year, you couldn't afford any more repairs.
While you were busy mourning the loss of having decent meals, heaving and leaning against the door for support, your friends called out your name in a panic, their bleary and furious gazes zeroing in on your figure. Clad in white, you stood there, the perfect picture of a pretty blushing bride.
The uninvited guests didn't go unnoticed by your "groom," and in seconds, you were pulled into a suffocating grip. Elizan's usually serene demeanor shattered like fragile glass. His deathly pale features contorted into a snarl, veins pulsing ominously beneath translucent skin. His typically gentle eyes blazed with an unsettling fire, icy whites now narrowed and piercing.
"Mutt!" Crewel seethed, his foot slamming into the floor and shattering the newly installed tiles. Your soul nearly left your body as you screamed inside again. There go a thousand thaumarks…
"What in the Sevens is this!?" Crewel shrieked, running a gloved hand through his tousled hair. With sharp movements, he pointed a finger at Elizan. "I'll have you know I can have you arrested for trespassing, unlawful detention, and violating the sanctity of this academy!"
"How... How dare you? Barging into this sacred ceremony—Who even are you?!" Elizan snapped back, his arms coiling tightly around your torso. The crowd erupted in a haze of shouts and muddled answers. Unable to understand anything, Elizan's intense gaze shifted and bore into yours, demanding answers. You gulped nervously, suddenly feeling small and vulnerable in his grasp.
"Who is he?! Who are they?!" he barked like a dog, flashing his sharp fangs at you.
"Uh… That's my professor—uh, Crewel," you stammered, your voice barely audible over the pounding of your heart. "And those are… They're my… friends?" Your gaze flickered to the group of men who had entered, their expressions ranging from confusion to anger.
Elizan's wide eyes now filled with shock, white orbs glossed over with luminescent blue tears. He pushed you away as if you had burnt him, recoiling from your touch as though it pained him physically.
"You know other men?!" the ghost cried out, his hands clenching into fists, his midnight blue hair cascading wildly around his face like a tempestuous sea. The tortured cries of the groom echoed through the room, sending a shiver down your spine as you awkwardly shifted on your feet, feeling like a character caught in an soap drama.
"…Yes?" you replied, unsure.
"How could you do this to me?!" He sobbed, a dark shadow covering his face. "Running off on an affair the DAY of our marriage?!"
"Well, that's a rather dramatic accusation—" you started, but Elizan shook his head in anguish.
"Answer me! Do you have another man?!" His voice shook the room, and you took a few cautious steps back.
"Elizan, please," you uttered gently, your eyes darting nervously toward one of the men in the room.
Your lover didn't meet your gaze; instead, his eyes were locked onto the ghost, a storm of emotions brewing beneath his features. As you jumped down from the makeshift podium, you shot an apologetic frown at the ghost, hoping to diffuse the escalating situation. "Don't you understand? You're the other man."
"No! You're married to me!" Elizan shrieked, lunging forward in a frenzy, his nails clawing at the air as if trying to grasp something intangible. "Whoever he is—He's the other man!"
MALLEUS DRACONIA
"Whoever he is—He's the other man!"
Lilia raised an eyebrow with a chuckle, his form reclined against a fogged-up window of the room. The weather was gloomy and stormy, the skies tinted green outside, casting an eerie glow over the scene. The window pane, streaked with raindrops and mist, blurred the view of the turbulent skies beyond. Lilia hummed a tune under his breath, a calm figure amidst the brewing storm.
With a sidelong glance, his eyes locked onto Malleus, whose entire figure shook with a barely contained wrath that threatened to engulf the very air around him. The young prince's chest heaved in violent, choked breaths as smoke wisped from his mouth and nose—tendrils of flames flickering amidst the swirling dust and ash.
A deafening crack tore through the air as a vivid surge of green emerald lightning erupted from the heavens, descending upon the roof of the venue with explosive force. The blast of energy painted the sky with a blinding flash of green as it crashed into the building, sending broken glass and wood raining down upon the venue.
Cursing, Elizan moved you both aside, a large chunk of debris hurtling past, narrowly missing your startled form. As more debris crashed down, he shielded you with an outstretched arm, a shimmering barrier briefly forming to deflect a particularly large piece of wood.
"Spectral pest," Malleus seethed, his eyes aglow with an eerie green hue as his nails elongated into sharp claws. With a click of his tongue, he raised his hands, summoning thorns that spiraled towards Elizan, ensnaring the ghost in their sharp embrace. Simultaneously, from the floorboards below, vines emerged like serpents, their tendrils gently but firmly pulling you away from Elizan's protective embrace and guiding you into the safety of Malleus's arms.
"How—?! Ngh!" Elizan writhed against the thorny vines. The prickly tendrils twisted around him like serpents, their sharp points digging into his ghostly flesh.
Malleus paid no mind to the struggling spirit, keeping his gaze fixed on you as he checked for any signs of harm. His expression softened with relief upon finding you unscathed, albeit a bit dusty.
"Beloved," he murmured, his voice a soothing balm amidst the lingering chaos. His gloved hand moved delicately, sweeping away the clinging dust from your shoulders and arms. Pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, his lips lingered there briefly, conveying a warmth that contrasted starkly with the raw power he had displayed moments ago.
"Are you alright?"
Blinking up at him with wide eyes and frazzled hair shooting up in every direction, you nodded dumbly. Turning away from him, you nearly gasped aloud to see the room in shambles, debris scattered everywhere, and the eerie green glow of energy still lingering in the air. The ghostly residents were in a state of panic, their translucent forms flickering as they moved frantically.
"My dorm," you whimpered, your mind racing as you calculated the cost of the damage.
With a chuckle, Malleus adjusted his grip on you, his muscles flexing as he gently set you down. Your legs felt shaky as you tried to steady yourself.
"I will handle the cost of repair, my dearest," Malleus assured you, bending down to your height, his voice dropping to a whisper. Green eyes bore into yours, strands of his midnight hair falling over his face. "You will not need to worry about such things once we are formally betrothed."
You froze, your face suddenly warming and burning.
"What?!"
Malleus reached out, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers lingering against your cheek, claws dragging across your supple cheeks. "Yes, my dear," he murmured, chest rumbling as his lips curved into a sharp smile. "You heard me correctly."
"I… I don't know what to say," you whispered, feeling dizzy with emotion.
"Will you consider it?" he asked softly, a faint hint of a smirk playing on his lips. "Please?"
Caught in the depth of his gaze, you felt your resolve melting away. "I-I guess?" you breathed, your voice trembling. "I'll… consider it."
A smug smile spread across his face, and he tenderly pressed his lips against yours. "That's all I ask, my dearest."
After ensuring you were alright one last time, Malleus redirected his focus to Elizan. With a flick of his wrist, the thorns under his control tightened around the ghost. Elizan shrieked and thrashed about, his translucent form writhing in pain as the thorns dug deeper.
"Do try to exercise some restraint, my boy," Lilia drawled, tapping his sharp fingers idly against his crossed arms. "We do not want Ramshackle to be bathed in blood. It would be very unsanitary."
not too sure if i am continuing but feel free to suggest some peepl bookies
#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia#malleus draconia x reader#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader
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Well.. charles eyler has parallel experiences to sunny (most of them are spoilers). Guilt is actually something that is present through the entire series, I hope it's okay that I rambled in your ask box -🫀
Huh! That's interesting. I've been told to uh, not play this game lest I add more traumatized characters to a kinlist I am not looking to expand (I am not doing that again) and the words "similar experiences to Sunny" seem to! explain why !!
#i like reading your rambles ! go ahead !#sunny#ask#🫀 anon#yeah the fact that guilt is a big part of it and having similar themes to omori is. probably why i was advised to leave it alone#maybe one day when i'm sure it won't give me the mental breakdown of the century...#but i am veeery open to hearing any thoughts you might have‚ so. my ask box is metaphorically yours !#i like getting asks.
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no thoughts just waitress!reader showing up for shifts like nothings wrong after the date situation
just keeping it calm and professional. working her shifts efficiently and no longer bantering/flirting with ghost, who would rather reader melt down and tear into him than putting up the walls around herself hehe
Ok I'm combining some asks here that had some different ideas - I got so many of you guys demanding reparation for making reader cry 😭 here's the comfort chapter! (Still a tad angsty at the beginning)
Ghost had finished your tips for you that night. He had half a mind to slide a hundred in your payout folder as an apology for ruining your date... but what good would that do? That would make you quit for good, if you hadn't already.
He lays in his bed, eyes stuck to the ceiling, still in his jeans and black shirt. He wishes he could snuff out the guilt that sits heavily in his gut. He wonders what you're doing - probably crying, possibly making a half-assed voodoo doll of himself and stabbing his chest with a dull steak knife, because that's all he feels right now.
He gets up early the next day after a rough three hours of sleep. He lumbers down the stairs to the office - Price is there, sorting out cash and working on the next supply order. He looks at Simon, who's rubbing his eyes and looking worse for wear.
"Mornin'." Price says, turning back to the monitor. Ghost grunts in response, dropping himself onto the couch behind Price. His head aches from the lack of sleep, thoughts circling in his mind about how to apologize to you. He can imagine you won't want to talk to him - or, if you do, it'll most likely be profanities wedged between insults. He'd love for you to berate him right now, and make him feel like he got what he deserved.
Price sighs. "You sleep alright?"
"I've had better."
"Nightmare?"
"... yea, somethin' like that."
Price huffs. "I'm workin' front of house today." He says, grabbing the bag of tips and standing up. "Goin' down to drop these in the safe, then I'll help you stock up."
Simon opens his eyes, looking at Price with confusion. "You?"
Price nods. "Dove called out sick. Sounded like she's got the lurgy."
That delivers the final blow to Simon. He knows you're not sick - you're avoiding him now. All plans to apologize are now out the window, and the more time passes, the harder it'll be to do it.
"You've only got yourself to blame, Simon." Price says, heading down to the restaurant floor.
He curses under his breath as Price leaves. How he heard about what happened - he could only assume it had been from Soap. He drops his arm over his face and groans. He wants to call out himself, but then they might as well shut down the entire pub for the day.
Should he try phoning you? Would you answer, let alone allow him to get more than five words out? What would he say? "Sorry I ruined your date, I was jealous tha' ya got a life outside of the pub." There is no variation of an apology that feels like it would be enough. He made you cry, for fucks sake. That was a punishment in and of itself, but he still had to own up to what he'd done.
He sighs loudly; his body feels heavy as he drags himself off the couch, trudging down the stairs. He still has a bar to run.
It had to have been the longest shift of Simon's life, and he even wrapped things up a bit earlier than usual. He didn't have the gift of your incessant chatting or being able to tease you to make the time pass. Price was a solid companion in front of house, but there was hardly a conversation to be held - even with the usual bar crowd. The patrons had a look of confusion for the majority of the night, wondering why Soap wasn't popping his head out of the kitchen to chat every once in a while - and why the hell the owner was serving tables, and not the chipper, spunky waitress.
When Simon had locked up for the night, he noticed your bike was no longer in the alley. Johnny must have dropped it off on the way back to his place.
Today isn't much different - at least, not for Simon. He's still suffering from a lack of sleep, he's irritable (he had a spat with Johnny in the morning, over something he can't even remember), and his work ethic is suffering. He's not worried about slicing bar fruit; it'll give him something to do later, when he needs it. Maybe the rush will kick him back into shape.
He stares at the dishes on the edge of the bar - they're all in need of a good polish, but he finds himself stuck on staring at the bar fridge. There's nothing else he needs to stock up on - it's packed completely full with wine, champagne, and cans of beer. He gently kicks the side of it with his boot. He should be checking the to-go boxes, helping Soap with setting up the condiments and soups, making sure the tables all had full salt and pepper shakers. That's what you would be doing. But, you're not here, and neither is Price. He can only hope tonight isn't as busy as the previous night, otherwise he'll have to close some tables. Which would make customers mad. Which would make Price mad. Which would-
Suddenly, he hears three loud bangs against the back door. He freezes, the sound triggering a Pavlovian response. He immediately looks up to the kitchen window - Soap opens the door, and you come jogging inside. You greet him with a smile. He asks how you're feeling, and you say "much better".
He doesn't know what to do with himself, but he just stands there like an idiot as you hang your bag and jacket on a hook. Stands there as you push your way into the restaurant, barely sparing him a glance as you scurry by him. Stands there as you run up the stairs, two at a time, diving nose-first into your chores so you can avoid Simon.
He can't speak. Should he? What can he say? "I'm sorry," for starters, but it isn't that simple. He thought you might have quit, and was preparing his heart for the worst. But now, here you are, running back and forth through the pub and setting up your tables - and it feels like you've never been farther away from him.
In all honesty, you can't bring yourself to talk to him either. You're feeling just as ashamed with your behavior two nights ago as he is about his own. Why the fuck would you expect someone - let alone your boss - to do your chores so that you could run off and have fun on a date? Not only that, but you'd made a scene; you felt like you had half-assed the ice bins in your scramble to get them cleaned, and then you sobbed in the middle of the restaurant. The cherry on top, however, was when you called Price yesterday and told him you had a cold, calling out of your shift. It was a cowardly thing to do, and you could tell he wasn't buying your story.
But: bills need to be paid, rent is due, and you can't lose this job. So you sucked it up and came in today - Simon is easy enough to ignore, separated from you by the bar.
At first, the quiet bartender was relieved that you had showed up for your shift - he wouldn't have searched for a new waitress if you had quit, instead choosing to deal with the consequences of his actions. But he's quickly getting more and more irritated with the silent treatment you're serving. You only talk to him when necessary: a simple "thanks" when you grab your drinks and run them to your tables. You busy yourself between rolling silverware, (over)stocking napkins and condiments, and even going so far as to spray the menus down and scrub them with a rag. You spend more time in the kitchen with Soap; each peal of laughter shared between the two of you is another arrow in Simon's chest. He's stuck behind the bar, listening to woes spilling from drunken lips, forced to watch you flit around and pretend he doesn't exist.
You can't keep this up forever.
Still, you do for most of the night. Even when your shift is coming to an end, the kitchen closed while you close the tabs for your remaining tables, you don't cave and sit at the bar with Simon. You sit at the farthest table from him, the farthest chair, in fact, skimming over your tip receipts - and talking to Soap (who was only able to sit with you since you had helped him knock out his tasks).
Simon's never been as angry with Soap as he is now - and the worst part is he knows it's not justified. He's watching from behind the bar, polishing glasses so hard they might wane into cups. He wants to talk to you. He will talk to you before the night is over. He doesn't expect forgiveness, but he expects that you'll at least let him offer an apology.
One of the regulars at the bar looks to whatever Simon is glaring at, chuckling quietly when he sees you. "Trouble in paradise?"
"Stuff it, Mike." Simon grumbles.
Meanwhile, you walk back from closing out your last table, plopping back in the booth with Soap. "What are you doing after this?"
"Sleepin'." he replies instantly, tossing back an onion ring. "Been dealin' with a grumpy bawbag since early this mornin', and I'm beat."
You glance over at the bar; Simon's back is facing you as he organizes the beer glasses. You really should apologize to him... you just couldn't figure out when the right time would be. He'd still be working by the time your shift ends, and you don't even know if he wants to speak to you at this point.
"Is he mad at me?" you ask, tapping your pen on the table.
Soap sighs. "I'm not goin' t' be the middle man, Bonnie." he says, looking at you intently. "If ye feel like somethin' needs to be said, go talk to 'im."
You groan, leaning back against the seat. "It's not that simple."
"Why not?"
"It just isn't! He's already pissed at me, and he probably thinks I'm a slacker. What good is an apology?"
"Ye won't know 'til ye talk to 'im, hmm?"
"What if he fires me?"
Johnny barks with laughter, and you frown. "I'm being serious."
"He'd never fire ye." he says, getting up out of the booth. He stretches both arms above his head and lets out a grunt. "In fact, he was throwin' a fit yesterday n' today 'fore ye came in. Bitch took it out on me."
You winced. "I'm sorry-"
"Save it fer 'im." Soap interjected. He left you at the booth with the onion rings and your tips, disappearing into the kitchen. You huff, hunching back over your tips and scribbling through them.
Deep down, you know Soap is right. If anything, you could just apologize to Simon. If he chooses to be grumpy about it, so be it. You've got tough skin... still, you can't stand the thought of him being upset with you - not because of your work ethic, but because you liked him. A lot. And you wanted him to like you back, even if it was in the most platonic way.
But that didn't change anything. An apology was due, and you were going to give him one before you left tonight.
You grabbed an onion ring and popped it in your mouth, grimacing when you realized they were cold. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Simon making his was across the floor to your booth.
Great. Guess the apology is coming now.
He stops at the edge of the table, wiping his hands in a rag. You pretend to punch numbers into your phone's calculator, but they're all random - you just want to look like you're busy.
"May I sit?" he asks, tucking the rag into his back pocket.
You mumble out a "sure", still not looking at him. You hear his large frame slide into the seat across from you, polyester squeaking underneath his weight. You continue to do random equations on your calculator, letting a thick blanket of tension settle between the two of you. You can feel his stare burning into your head, his arms folded over his chest... and you notice that his mask is in his hand. You finally look up at him.
It's not the first time you've seen his face - you've caught glimpses of it when he smokes in the alley, or when he eats whatever Soap throws under the warmer for you and Simon. But this time, he's not taking it off to be convenient. And, dear god, you're just now paying attention to how scarred, rugged, and handsome he is - but now's not the time for those kinds of thoughts. You feel like he's reaching out an olive branch, showing a possible vulnerable side to himself. So, you place your pen on the table and lean back.
He stays quiet for a moment longer, trying to figure out how to start this. He wants to make sure that you know he's here to apologize, not to ask for forgiveness. From his silence, you assume he's waiting for you to go first.
"I'm sorry about Tuesday night." you say, eyes dropping to the table. Simon's astounded that you're the one apologizing, but you continue. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, and I'm sorry for trying to dump my job on you."
He feels worse, now. Was that even possible? He was expecting anger, insults - a detailed, frustrated explanation of what you did last night since you did not go on that date. But you're the one saying sorry? You think you're to blame for all of this unspoken aggression? Oh, you really do confuse him, sometimes...
"You don't need t' be sorry, luv." he says, gazing at you with a softness you'd never seen before, not in his brown eyes, at least.
"No, I do." you say, nearly pleading with him to let you be apologetic. "I was being a brat, and whether you usually do the ice bins or not, I shouldn't have expected you would do them without asking." You push your pen on the table, doing your best to convey your feelings. "And yeah, I was late for my date, but... well, he sounded like a dick, anyways."
Simon chuckles, watching you stare at the table. "Well, I owe you an apology, too. I jus'..." he sighed heavily, running a hand down his jaw. "I don' even know. Guess I was bein' lazy, or... I got jealous tha' you've got a life outside of this pub. Feels like you belong here."
He immediately regrets saying that - it sounds way too possessive and... just straight up weird. But you smile, taking comfort in the fact that he still wants you here. That this was the whole reason behind the mess.
"Soap called you a bitch. Said you were an asshole all day."
Simon scoffs. "Yea... 'm pretty sure Price would tell ya the same. And he wants ya back, too. Couldn't stand waitin' on tables, he was tryin' t' trade places with me all night."
You laugh. The world seems alright again - not perfect, but good enough. It might take a night of sleeping the tension away before you're fully back to your normal self, but this is a leap in the right direction. You look at Simon, into his brown, steady eyes, as they stare right back at you.
He breaks the silence. "I really am sorry for ruinin' your date."
You smile softly. "Thank you, Simon. I forgive you."
And just like that, the weight of his guilt is lifted away. The lingering sourness remains, a reminder that he had made you cry. But you had forgiven him, which was more than he was hoping to get tonight.
"Are we better?" you ask timidly.
He nods once. "Better."
You smile - you slowly slide your stack of receipts to him, biting your lip. "Cool - can I have my money?"
Just like that, his smirk drops - but you know it's all in good humor. He huffs, snatching the stack from the table and scoots his way out of the booth. "Always got money on the mind, eh?"
"I've always got rent on my mind." you retort, following after him with the bowl of onion rings. You plant yourself at your usual spot on the end of the bar, right near the POS where Simon cashes out your tips. He tries to hurry up, assuming you want to dip and go home after such an intense conversation. He slides the mask back over his face and punches his code in, trying to edit your tips into the system as quickly as he can.
"Simon?"
"Hm?" his response is instant, turning around to look back at you. You've got your phone on the bartop, and your back and jacket on the unoccupied seat next to you.
"Can I stay for a drink?"
He's melting on the inside, only held together by his own skin. He sets your receipts down and opts to do them later, right before whenever you decide to leave. He won't miss on an opportunity to have you stay longer.
"Course, luv. What's it gonna be?"
"You know how to make a cosmo?"
He chuckles, grabbing a glass from the shelf behind him. "Sure do."
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